The dicks, like everything else in the first episode, are really just edging toward what’s to come later. The scene is uncomfortable, but that’s entirely the point. He’s also the father of her classmate, Nate Jacobs, but she doesn’t know that yet. Eric Dane wore a prosthetic erect penis (although we famously saw McSteamy’s real one in a sex tape that circulated in 2009) as Cal Jacobs, aka “DominantDaddy,” statutorily rapes 17-year-old Jules after they connect on Scruff. Unfortunately, I think they saw the man getting fisted, and I might be banned from Peter Pan buses for life because of it.Īnd just like the bus company’s claim that its Wi-Fi worked, the biggest dick of the episode is fake. I counted two dicks as I struggled to shield my phone from the middle-aged women sitting behind me. It was very difficult for me to hide while watching the episode on a charter bus. Later, there’s a rather shocking montage of popular Pornhub videos. What’s the penis-to-thigh ratio? What are we working with at the base? (In a few episodes, we’ll see triple the dick pics and get these answers in the most vital television tutorial of the year.) This is what I’d call a bad dick pic: a floating penis next to a shampoo bottle. Jules, who is trans, explores the world of queer hookup apps as a man on Scruff sends her an unsolicited dick pic. The scene is brief and a little too aggressive, just like a bad blowjob. The camera pans over to Rue’s classmate playing a blowjob porn video on his phone and miming along with his hand. We get the first glimmer of a dick five minutes into the episode - during a lockdown drill, of all things. Euphoria Episode One Dick Count: 5 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 After the eight-episode first season, our grand total is: 71 dicks. Read on for details, dongs and some minor spoilers. There is a possibility my numbers might be slightly off as I tried my best to maintain a sense of dignity while starring at countless dicks in public. Also, it’s worth noting that I rewatched the first four episodes on a rickety charter bus and at a Washington, D.C., coffee shop. That’s it.ĭisclaimers: Spoilers are abundant in my dick data analysis. Characters walking around naked or having sex with shadows conveniently hiding their appendages does not count.
My dick criteria are simple: The penis must be shown onscreen. If the Hollywood Reporter won’t do it, I’ll do the Lord’s work and count all the penises in Euphoria, episode by episode. Ya know, when y’all told me to watch Euphoria you coulda warned me about all the dicks 😭😭😭įor this hot young gay writer, though, “close to 30” is hardly specific enough - I need hard data. We been staring at boobs and vaginas on television for NO reason for decades. I, for one, can’t wait to see 30 dicks on #Euphoria 😌 I will stand up in my living room and applaud. The show’s penchant for penis has become a hallmark of the show after the Hollywood Reporter ran an article claiming “close to 30 penises flash onscreen” in one episode.
So does the overwhelming presence of nudity in their lives. The joy and perils of drugs, texting, Juuling and high school parties all connect the characters.
The first episode chronicles her upbringing, and each subsequent episode follows a different student at the suburban Southern California high school.
Cast of euphoria derek series#
The buzzy new series about teenagers and their illustrious digital lives stars Zendaya as Rue, a drug-addicted 17-year-old fresh out of rehab and with no desire to stay sober. Thank god for Euphoria, the rare show bold enough to buck reliable trends in premium cable and give us all the full-frontal male nudity we deserve, boners and all.
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